in love with you....

the nod she has given has brought me free-flowing happiness. it's filling every inch of my flesh and blood. the smiles on my face tells everyone i'm so in love at the moment.

happiness fills,
this is the happiest i've ever been for the longest time i can remember. as much as i would like it to be a little more open but i kept asking myself does it really matter. no, it does not. it does not bother me a bit at all, let the gossips continue and let them keep guessing. as long as we both know, i'm contented. to have you by my side is more than i can ask for. on some days, i still feel like i'm living a dream. no, i'm not! it is reality..

i cannot remember when was the last time i have been this happy, it must have been a long long time ago. i hope these happy days are here to last and i will find the power to make sure they will be here for the rest of our lives

while in the sea of happiness, i've said something that must have hurt her. i know we can go somewhere with what we have now, that's why i want to be really honest and open. it may come a little too late but i'm just sorry, darling.

i just want you to love me for who i am and not what i've done.

i love you, darling!

Posted by chef-san at 5:34 pm ~ There is zero note [ Add ]

my one and only......

it deeply touched my heart when you said those words to me, darling.

the fear of losing.

nothing more, nothing less..

unless you don't want me to...

i want to be in love with you because you my one and only....

i love you.

Posted by chef-san at 1:15 pm ~ There is zero note [ Add ]

SINCE16:-based on a true life story of a bike fanatic.................

chapter1 - first time in contact

featuring:-
david ho chee kin - a friend in memory, the guy whom inspired me to ride, influenced me to ride, taught me how to ride and race, and many more......

sitting there in my dirty,stinko and tucked-out school uniform, drinking the last watermelon juice i could afford for the day. i saw david with a self-practice tag on him through the glass window from where i sat. he was doing a self-practice lesson at ssdc(singapore safety driving centre). that was the first time i came in contact with a bike so closely mentally. though i actually pillioned on dad's bike when i was younger, but i never had a feel for the machine.

he was smiling to me while he waited for his chance to get onto the narrow plank. i still remembered that smile deeply in my heart till today, for the fact that i never get to see it again.

after his lesson ended, he was telling me all the good things on why one should learn how to ride a bike. we were chatting non-stop on the bus home, something which we both eventually gave up on after we got our riding licences. i admit i was influenced by him, i told myself that i want to learn how to ride too.

after that day with him, i waited in anxiety for my sixteen birthday to arrive. it's gonna be a long few months wait. even though i can't enrol myself into the bike lessons because of my age, i began asking people on how to ride a bike. david, being the one whom influenced this idea to me eventually became the person i choose to hang out with very often. with his half-fucked coaching, i managed to ride another friend's bike in the school compound in one fine afternoon after lessons.

from that day onwards, i fell hopelessly in love with those machines.

in no time, david got his licence and began riding his dad's bike to the school. i worshiped him like a god whenever i see him riding into the school's compund. then a month or two later, he got his first bike, a piaggio sfera scooter. it was a cute little 80cc grey scooter, plated FL843A. it was an absolute cutie on the road, and was even equipped with a superb stereo sound system with two huge surround speakers by its side. this guy and his cutie scooter then became my daily worship target every morning in school. to me, he's the hero who rides into our school without causing a stir every morning. he just got all the attention from the students walking in from the school gate. i want to be a hero too.

soon, the day came and i enrolled myself into the bike lessons without letting my parents know. because of what i heard from others, i went from ang mo kio to the western side of the island to learn how to ride. simply because of the fact that bbdc(bukit batok driving centre) had a higher passing rate.

i soon realised that this dream of mine would come true very soon, in a few month's time. :- to be a hero in my school.

chapter2 - the road till i became a hero

featuring:-
dad - the man whom i respected, gave me life and my family, taught me how to ride and bought me my first bike.....
mum - the most beautiful woman in my eyes, a mum who is like others always worrying for her beloved son whenever he sits on a bike ever since.....
mrs tai - the soft-spoken form teacher who always sits there in slience, teaching us english and facts of life. a figure who never failed to have 2 patches of red power on her cheeks to school......

' what? you took up riding? but son, it's so dangerous ' thats the words that came out from mum's mouth when i told her i enrolled into taking a class2b licence. for dad, he was always away from home for rendezvous so i did not have a chance to tell him. from that day on, mum knew she will be forever worrying for her beloved son who had just taken up biking. enrolling into the course is just the begining, the worst has yet to come. for me, i couldn't care more. i just want to be a hero figure in my school as soon as possible.

for almost 7days a week, i travelled to the west for my bike lessons. i was totally worn out by the long journey on the mrt. for most of the school days, i only got home slighty after 12midnight whenever i have 9pm lessons. i began skipping class just to attend to the earliest practical lessons which i could be offered with. mum covering up for me, began writing many letter of excuses for my absences to mrs tai. for that fantasy of being a hero figure in school, i did not know that mum was sad. i guessd she knew she was wrong to cover up for me, but still she did so for the sake of her love for me. because of my age at that time, i never thought of such things. i was really a bad son and student at that time.

i was summoned to that quiet corner where mrs tai and her table sits one fine day. she told me in a soft tone ' robin, i want no more letters of excuse for your absence from school anymore. it's either you get a medical cerfiticate or you get marked absent for no reason.' she knew mum was covering up for me, even a blind could feel so too. it was just too much for mrs tai to believe that those reasons were genuine enough. but this did not stop me. it then resulted in me going to the doctors feigning sick to get medical certificates. i couldn't believe that once an obedient student resorts to this just because he wants to attend bike lessons at bbdc.

to be frank, this fantasy had myself deemd as a bad student in class.

3months into the course, i started looking up the classified section of straits times. and very soon, i got my very first bike. a red piaggio skipper scooter, plated FL8336U and dad paid big money for it. from that day on, the monthly installments of $216 became a burden to my family.

my fantasy then became very close to reality. i just need to pass the practical test and i can then get to ride on the road. but i let myself down, i failed the test at my first attempt. i had to wait another 6weeks for the re-test. as the wait gets nerve-cracking and frustrating, i began rounding the bike in the carpark without a qualified licence. in no time, my guts expanded and i took my red skipper onto the main roads secretly without the knowledge of dad. i couldn't care more as i don't get to see him more than 5times in a week. and for mum, she's always at home so the fear of being caught by my parents for riding the bike was very minimal.

the day came and i rode with big guts to bbdc to take my re-test. hoping i would return home on the bike with a qualified licence, my confidence grew. but it turned out to be a mess. i was over-confident and i failed the test for the second time. i then re-book the test and rode the bike home in great disappointment. this time round, it will be another 4weeks wait in agony. the agony that i'll never forget when you have a bike but yet you can't ride in peace to anywhere, fearing that you get pulled over by a cop.

i couldn't hold it anymore or any longer, i rode my red, shinny and cutie scooter to school one morning. the day when i became my own hero. that was the happiest day in my life..........

when i returned home in the afternoon, i came to a stop at the traffic lights just outside my place. the engine was humming, i was in my school uniform then i saw this familiar man walking across me staring at me. for a moment, i thought he must have admired me. cause i'm the school boy in the neighbourhood who can afford to ride his own scooter to school. that stare then got very familiar, it wasn't any other stare that a stranger would project on you. IT WAS DAD!. what the hell is he doing here in the afternoon, shouldn't he be working? i thought. he walked away in slience. and that stern fatherly look made me rode away quietly to the carpark in guilt. as i walked towards my block where i was staying after parking the scooter, i lifted my head and saw dad standing at the 11th storey corridoor. i knew i was in for trouble and a thrashing awaits me.

i got into the house with my head down to the floor, i headed straight to my room. but before i could do so, he called out my name and asked ' were you the one riding your scooter just now? ' i nodded without any denial as i knew there would be no chance of survival if i had tried to deny. he kept his composure and said ' don't do it again. it's not worth it if you get caught, and you will waste all your efforts if it really happens. ' he did not took my keys away nor gave me a thrashing. i don't know why. i was feeling so guilty that dad did not punish me for what i had just done. and if he had, i wouldn't felt so bad. that day, i locked myseif in my room pondering over the words he said. i decided not to do it again, i have to listen to dad.

came august26, 1994. i took my third practical test and i passed it with sheer luck. the tester passed me even though i had 23 demerit points when the passing points was only 18. he then told me to ride carefully before he handed me the result report. i saw the big tick in the 'pass' box and i knew the licence will be mine forever now. i got my first ever qualified class2b licence.

i rushed home and the first thing i did was to take my reddy scooter for a rounding. my life came alive and was changed after that day.

featuring:-
granny - dad's mum, does the marketing and cooking with mum.an elder whom the whole family respected alot. paid for my first semester fees in the uni.
lynn wong (my eldest sister) - very loving and sweet lady who is putting me through my studies now. a sister who loves her only brother more than any other sisters would.
adeline wong (my second sister) - happily married to ken (my bro-in-law) with a daughter (qianying) now. loves her only brother like lynn do. a very tough and confident character for a lady.
michael tan chiew wei - someone whom i don't really confide my feelings to, a totally different personality from myself and i have no idea why we can click so well. my sperm-brother of 11years.
manfred tan soon tiang - michael's buddy whom eventually became mine too. a riding mate who i know for 11years too.
hac wong lock kuen - another friend in memory, well-known in school for his fabulous singing. a funny character, a very hard-core rider well-known in the scrambler circle for his stuns.
kang poh heng - a classmate since secondary1 in peicai secondary school, the owner of the scooter which i crashed badly, stays 2 blocks away from me in ang mo kio.

somthing which every rider will go through :- crashes and falls.

hit1, sept 94
it seemed like the whole world is shutting themselves away from me, i couldn't find any company on this evening. off from my partime work, nothing to do, nowhere to hang out at, i rode my red skipper around city aimlessly. with not much money in my pocket but a full tank of petrol in my bike, the only thing i could do is just to ride around blasting music down orchard road with my newly installed stereo system which dad paid for.

i then decided that i'll visit michael after his work at plaza hotel's singsation karaoke, where we work as partime waiters. i was riding towards takashimaya's direction along orchard road when i had a first near miss with a mini van. i wasn't concentrating properly when this mini van just suddenly jammed its brake and stopped abruptly infront of me. in a split second, i reacted well and avioded crashing onto it. lady luck was smiling on me, and i was lucky to have stopped in time. it was a near miss.

cursing and swearing at the mini van driver, i rode on making my way to plaza hotel. just when riding through the heavily congested orchard road, i hit something and i hit is real hard. i crashed into a red toyota corolla just outside takashimaya. this time round, it was a hit and not a miss. luck ran out. the driver of the toyota got out, the stunned and blurred me just did whatever he said. we exchanged our particulars and he drove off after asking me to lodge a report. my first crash left me devastated and sad with a deep scar on my right knee and a broken, disfigured and crashed first scooter of my life.

dad then sent my red scooter to the workshop to make a claim. the days without my life (bike) was hard. the chance for me to ride again before my scooter could be repaired surfaced. i got a chance to ride on poh heng's green scooter after he failed to get his class2b licence after failing the test. i was greatful that he trusted his bike to me. but i soon broke the trust which he had on me.

hit2, nov 94
i can't remember the date, but we finished work at 2am when david suggested that we take a ride to marina south for a snooker session. as i non-snooker, i see no point of me going so i said i wasn't going. but david insisted that they want to have my company, i obliged with a whole load of sleepliness and tiredness.

it happened when i was riding poh heng's bike home. i could only remembered i made the second last turn before i could reach home when i shut my eyes for a short few seconds. the moment i re-opened my eyes, it was so bright. i felt as if the sun was just shinning just above me, the brightness and heat that came off was something which i won't forget. to prevent the brightness of the shinning light which i thought could blind my eyes, i turned my head to my right. to my amusement, i saw many white figures walking around. where am i, am i seeing angel? i thought.

'you will be fine, don't worry. now, can i cut open your pants and do a check on your right leg?' i let off a slow weak 'yes'. i then closed my eyes again, my mind was running wild. thinking where the hell am i and who those people were? why are they cutting up my pants and why did they ask me not to worry? am i dead? am i in heaven or hell? i was confused and suddenly at this point of time, i felt the piercing through pain on my right leg, a something-missing pain in my right fingers, an almost killing pain in my arm, a cracking out-of-position pain in my shoulder and a terrible spinning pain in my head.

a cold chill ran through and hit deep into my aching bones, i then realised i was only covered with a piece of white blanket. i looked around and saw those same white figures again. the unbearable pain made me feel like dying and i just wanted to know where was i. using up all my last bit of energy, i let off another slow weak 'where am i?' 'oh you are at toa payoh A&E, please bear with me and i'll be done soon' a sweet young lady said. i tried to steal a look at her, but i could only manage a glimse on her name tag hanging on the left side of her chest. it reads 'Adeline Wong'. she bears the same name as my second sister.

convinced that i was still alive but lying on the operating table with an operation lamp hanging on top, i was pushed to the observation room. i then could only remembered mumbling something to blue figure. when i next opened my eyes again, i heard mum, adeline (my second sister) and lynn's cries. they must have been really shocked and sad to see me in that state. being the only man at home that night, i told them i am fine and don't worry.

ended up spending 3days in the hospital for the first time. been to hospitals before, but this visit to one this time was different, very different. i left the hospital with a partial amputation on my right last finger, slight dislocated right shoulder, bruised right pelvis and a scarred memory. took me months to recover physically and mentally from this fall, a hard one.

hit3, first half of 95
was forced to sell off my bike and cut off all connections to biking from my mum and granny. the more they nagged, the most rebellious and the more i want to ride. my scooter will be due very soon for collection, and i'll be able to ride on the road again.

the excitement rushed down to my soul when david called and said that he had bought a new class2 bike, a kawasaki zx11. but he hadn't pass his class2 yet, that time, he was riding a class2a ducati 400ss. i got onto my newly repaired scooter and vroomed to david's place in hougang. but i never made it there, i crashed out on the way again. within a few months after my newly claimed scooter was out of the workshop, it's going back there again.

i crushed into a toyota truck and onto the glass panel i hit straight on my face. luckily for me, i was wearing my new DIC helment which was really good when the visor did not crack during the process. if not, i would have been disfigured. the glass panel broke and i lied on the road helplessly when i saw hac rode pass on the opposite traffic. i tried to wave at him but it did not made him stop to help. i guessed he wasn't look towards my direction. i then stood up, removed my helmet and tried to move my injured bike away under the truck. just felt that it wasn't the place my scooter deserved to be in at that moment. after i did so, i ran into a bikeshop that happened to be just 30meters away from the scene in a bloodied white shirt, borrowed the phone and called manfred for help. within 10mins, he appeared at the scene to help. after everything were settled, he then called poh heng to send me to the hospital. i left the scene with a swollen lips and tongue.

i was screamed at when i walked into the A&E bleeding from my lips . i was quickly asked to lie down and a female doctor attended to me. 'you again, bike accident again? oh please ride carefully' i raised my head and looked at her, that familiar name tag hanging on the left side her chest rang a bell. it read as 'Adeline Wong' again, the same doctor who attended to me in my last accident. she then handed me to another doctor on duty and i was taken to the operation room for further checks.

broken peices of the glass which i broke with my face were then removed from my chin tongue and lower lips. when it was finally done, the doctor then performed the plastic surgury stiches to my wounds. he left his signatures of 15stiches on my tongue and 16 on my lower lips and chin. on top of all these, i lost a pool of blood and broke 2 front tooth. and 2 weeks of porridge awaits me in the process of recovery.

'what that didn't kill me, made me stronger'

featuring:-
uncle ho - david's dad, a very tough but friendly man, works as a mechanic specialist with SBS. rides a bike too, a dad who never stops his sons from riding, always there asking us to ride carefully on roads.
auntie ho - david's mum, a very loving mum and wife. like other mums, always worrying for her sons' safety whenever they sit on a bike. a friend's mum who cooks dinner for me when i'm at their place.
dennis ho - david's elder brother. he and dad are the hero figures in david's eyes. a very tough rider who used to ride a ducati916. a very friendly guy.
ho zhiwei - david's younger brother, a very chubby and cute boy for his age. always wondering when will it be his turn to ride a bike since both his brothers and dad ride.
roytson soon - fellow biker friend for many years, well-known for his always-accident news. worked together in singsation before and since then we became good friends.

the days spent with david was fabulous, simply carefree and all we did was to ride. washing bikes then soon became a regular event in our lives, we would always gather at david's place to wash and clean our bikes. royston who stayed in teban gardens that time even made his way to hougang most of the times without fail. everytime we would just spend hours and hours cleaning our bikes and chatting away non-stop.

the frequent visits to his viod decks washing bikes ended up in spending hours at his home too. david stays in a 4-room flat in hougang, i still remember his unit number which is #11-11. to be frank, i spent more time at his place more than my own. soon this led to having meals at his place cooked by auntie ho. i'll just spend my days and nights rotting away at his place after school most of the time. soon i became friend to his whole family. dennis, zhiwei and dennis and uncle ho would just sit there yakking away non-stop. at that time i really felt like a part of their family. because of being the only son at home, i soon regard david as my own elder brother. to me, he's the hero in my eyes.

we worked, eat, ride, see and disturb gals, talk, share thoughts, play, sing, etc together for that many months. i saw him changing bikes from a piaggio sfera, ducati 400ss, zx11d1, zx7p1 to an aprillia rs250 in 97. that aprillia that he sat on took him away forever that day. from that day on, i never hear from him again...........................

featuring:-
melvin wong kian fatt - another secondary friend, nick-named turtle because of his slow actions, but is fast once on his bike. still a very good friend now working hard to save up for his marriage.
lm - a figure whom i do not wish to disclose her identity, the last person to pillion on david's bike. a survivor of that crash.

16 feb, 97
my phone rang at about 7am, the voice over the other side sounded jaded and depressed.

caller: oi, wake up! david passed away this morning, come down to your viod deck now.
me: what the f..k, don't tell me rubbish in the morning and don't joke about these things.
caller: *moment of slience*
me: hey, don't joke okie, michael. (knowing that he's michael)
caller: *starts weeping* david is really dead, come down now!
me: ok.

my mind went blank, washed up and down i went. thinking of the horrible news which i just heard, certainly not something i want to hear in this morning. hoping that the guys will be up to some surprises as it was my birthday just 2days ago, i went down with a deep heart. at the same time, i don't believe david will come to such ending. with such good and fabulous riding skills that he had with him, how could he had possibly crashed out so badly. of course i know again, because of his terrific skills he don't get into accidents just like that. and if he really goes down one day, it will be a serious one.

i then saw an unusual sight of my gang, melvin, michael, poh heng and manfred were sitting at the cement table. everyone were quiet, i could see melvin's eyes red. everyone had been sobbing, i looked at them and said nothing. i said down with them and i look at michael and melvin again, showing them my what-the f..k-happened eyes. they knew i wanted to know what happened, poh heng then told me the details and it left me motionless and speechless. still not believing his words, i told myself this is not real and no way am i going to believe this joke. the feeling was so agonising and i began beeping david on his pager. minutes passed, no response. time seemed to be playing joke on me when every minute felt like a day's time long. aren't he going to return my calls anymore? and the answer was:- he never did. the day before became the last day i spoke to and heard from him. he's gone away now, never to be back again.

after sitting at the void deck with no one saying a damn thing, we headed to david's place in hougang. the guys hesitated awhile and we went up. thinking that it was better not to let david's parents know what exactly happened, we kept the truth from them. the guys were guilty for what had happened, why did everyone not return home safely? what the hell happened and why are david's family crying for him now? we then left for the hospital lm was admitted to.

the scene at the hospital was in chaos, with reporters pacing up and down and michael being reprimanded by his own parents and relatives. we all stood there hoping and praying the best for lm. though lm survived, but she left the crush scene with broken limbs and a painful memory. in the many months that she stayed in the hospital, lm went through many operations that a normal person wouldn't have to go through in their entire life. she was strong and fought against the will of being paralysed, today she's standing infront of everyone as a normal person but with a memory of her own and the many scars on her body.

the search for the accident spot then began with a friend driving us along west coast drive. no one said a thing in the car. someone then shouted:- 'it's there'. we stopped the car, and i walked slowly to that scene. i saw many broken pieces from david's rs250's fairing. picking up every pieces of them, i filled 2 bags full when i saw a pool of blood stain under a tree. it was released by the police later that david had actually crashed into the tree together with his bike. had the tree not been there, he might have survived. we then looked at the road stucture and analyzed how he could had crashed so badly at a very gentle bend of the road. the bend was easy to clear and there were no reasons why david could have crashed. it remained as a mystery till today, no one knew how he crashed. the only thing that lm could remember was that they got away from the traffice police somehow and everything came to a standstill in her memory. the next thing she knew was, she was fighting for her own life in the hospital.

the last time i saw him, he was lying there motionless in the cold coffin. he must be cold. his face carried the last smile he wanted everyone to see, he looked pale in his first ever suit. i stood beside him, looking at him in a way that i never wanted to. i screamed out in my heart for him:-

'kin, kin, wake up. look at me, talk to me, touch me. kin, wake up. kin, wake up please, will you just open your eyes and look at me again. open your mouth and talk to me. i beg you.... why did you leave just like this? tell me, i beg you. don't leave us, come back, kin. come back.'

he just lied there without any movements despite my cries for him. my tears began dropping and someone pulled me out and made me sat somewhere. my tears seemed never ending and i just kept calling out for him. auntie ho then walked up and told me that david is gone. and he will be happy to know that he have a friend like me who will weep so hardly for him. she held my hands and asked me to be strong and accept the fact that david is gone forever. it was really something for a mum whom had lost his son consoling me for the lost my friend. his mum must had really been strong.

we sang and chant prayers for david, and we spent the last night with him. the next morning came, i saw him for the last time before he was brought to mt vernon. we said our last prayers and from that moment on, i never felt him so close physically to me again. uncle ho who had been so cool through out the whole funeral broke down when david was pushed into the fiery flames that put him to ashes.

featuring:-
cousin - michael's cousin, someone whom i only met once or twice. the pillion michael was carrying that night.
huihui - manfred's girlfriend, a friend of ours for many years. cute little gal.

they drank a little at boat quay, then off they went for a rounding on the island.

they came to choa chu kang and was crusing along jln bahar. as usual, i supposed they were enjoying the peace with wind falling onto them while riding through the cool spooky air from the cemetry nearby. with their machines roaring on that quiet stretch, 2 white machines appeared from nowhere riding in the opposite direction. the traffic police. for the fear of being pulled over and get charged with illegal gathering and modifcations on their machines, the guys were ready for the whites. they were really bold, i would say. but put me in their place, i would do the same thing too.

as the guys were hoping that the traffice police won't make a u-turn for them. the next moment they knew were everyone were speeding away from the sirens of the 2 white machines the traffice police were riding on. david with lm on his aprilia rs250, michael with cousin on his gsxr400ksp, manfred with girlfriend huihui on their gsxr400msp, melvin alone on his gsxr400k and poh on his trusty scooter (of course he did not join in, knowing he's the slowest).

being a 250cc 2stroker, david's bike sped off like a speed demon leading the pact with michael, manfred and melvin behind. fast they went, 180kmh or more. they hit a cross junction, david went straight ahead in the direction of PIE, the rest made a detour. with their engines off to ease the noise from their yoshimura exhuasts and highlights off, they got away and saw the whites hot after david's heels. in the event of getting away, huihui's cheap helmet visor crack due to the pressure offered by the speed they travelled at. their night ended with a chase from the traffic police and a worry for david. they headed home and started beeping david on his pager, but there were no response. believing that if they could get away, then david would have done so with his superb skills too. then they went to sleep.

a call then woke michael up in the wee hours of the morning, a nasty news shocked him. lm was involved in an accident and was admitted to the hospital. being an elder to lm, an explaination was demanded from michael who brought her out the night before. in his mind, all he could thought of at that time was:- ' if lm was admited into the hospital, then what happened to david?'

another round of calls were made to the other guys by michael asking if david had responsed to their calls. when the answer at such a time was a no. a fear started to build in them and all the questions were directed at where was david and what happened to him.

not long after, melvin got a call from auntie ho. then the fear in them were answered, and the worst news broke free. something which no one would have expected, david was killed in an accident along west coast drive last night. again, an explaination were demanded from melvin why such a tragedy happen.

mythoughts:
i know it's silly of me to think this way, but i still can't help blaming myself that i contributed to his death. the week before the crash happened when david just took over the aprilia rs250 from his friend, he had asked me to help me add his name to the bike's insurance. so that day, i went to the bikeshop to settle this matter while he was at work. the clerk at the bikshop declined to help because there were still arrears in the installments of the bike. so david was never insured on the bike, all the while he was riding the bike un-insured. the penalty for riding on an un-insured bike in sg was heavy, licence would be revoked if caught. so i guess this was one of the reasons that made he sped away when the traffice police gave chase. had i not been a little selfish and help him pay for the arrears and had him insured, perhaps he would still be around today. he probably wouldn't had to resist the traffic police chase if he's insured.

why did i not help?

chapter7 - the grey days when another left

featuring:-
tham wen long - one of my best shatec mates, we ride, cook, joke,smoke, talk cock, etc, together. our riding kaki at shatec.
siong - one of my classmates in shatec, a very good buddy.

the days were really grey after david's departure. everyone in our group seemed so jaded, tired, and sad. i never seen my guys in this manner before, his leaving was really depressing. few of them stopped riding for awhile, i think a few downgraded to smaller bikes. riding was never as fun before, we've lost someone whom we all admired on the roads.

'i miss you, love you, will you come back? where are you? why did you leave? why why why?' were all i wanted him to hear from me. why did god took him away from us, he doesn't deserve this. if i could see him back for a few more years by shortening my life, i don't mind. i just want to see and hear him again, but for all i know it's not gonna happen. everything is predestined and he's already gone for good.

i locked myself up in my room whenever i'm home, i skipped a few day classes, i nelgected my girlfriend for awhile and i stopped talking. the sudden introverted beheviour of me soon led to mum's worries. she knew i was sad over his lost, but mum couldn't bear to see me drown myself in this sorrows that her only son is going through. she began knocking on my doors to make sure i was okie and showing extra concern for me. i see myself changed totally for the first time in my life, he was really influential to me. but what use would it do to know now, he's already gone now, never to be back. it just wasn't myself, everything changed and the world doesn't seem to be the same anymore. what happened to my world, i felt that it came to a standstill. everything just stopped after feb16, 97.

very soon, i saw myself bringing my kawasaki zxr4 back to the bikeshop. i sold the bike back to them. i stopped riding for the first time in the past 3years. i took the trains to school, and i stopped hanging out late at nights. the days without him was hard, and it just gets harder when i miss and think of him.

give me a last chance. i love you and please take care is all what i want to tell him.

mar11, 97 (if i remember correctly)
a call from siong, and i've lost another friend in the short span of 3weeks. while on the recovery road for the lost of david, i've lost another. 'wen long passed away, he died in a bike accident', siong said. i stood there dumbfolded, my tears flowed.........

that day, i realised something in life. never take friends for granted because they might just leave without letting you know before hand.

and i also learned that in deaths, the person who departs is not pitiful because he just leave. it's the people around him who are the most pitiful. seeing someone you love going away is such a sad thing.

i've learned how to handle the lost of 2 friends in 3weeks too.

david,
i want to tell you, that you had been the most special friend to me. you taught me how to ride, how to race and many other things too. though we haven't got the chance to go through alot more together, but the few years with you were good enough. i'm contended and shouldn't ask for more.

i'm sorry that i haven't pay a visit to your family for a long long time. though i was not there that night when you left, but i feel guilty. i still can't find the courage to face your family. i'm so sorry, but if i ever do one day, i promise you that i'll pay your parents and brothers a visit. i hope they are doing fine now.

the rest of us are doing fine but hac and curley left us too. promise me that you will take care of them if you ever see them in your world. you take care too and i miss you. hope i can have the chance to meet you again in my next life. till then.........

with love,
robin

featuring:-
ekin aka weixian- the most patient and good tempered guy in our group. a true character with dreams and ambitions.
phoebe aka leanne hau- the most hardcore female rider i ever seen in singapore riding circle. a very strong and determined lady.
red-alert aka vincent- another very good tempered and soft-spoken guy, a true maniac when it comes to speed.
flow aka simone- man in the fourties, a businessman and artist. the man who led us through man dark roads of malaysia. a figure who never fails to give advice to anyone who needs them.
james- a very short-tempered character, but is always that fun to ride with him. you seldom see him get tired while riding at high speeds. one of the very few fellows whom i take my hat off.
adam- a crazy person, you get frighten by seeing the stuns he can do on his bikes. a true dirt-rider and a cock-talker as well.
brian- a quiet person, seldom see him talk alot. the man whom

mar,97 onwards till 98
the days without a bike were safe but unpleasant. the places to go to just became so restrictive, transport soon became a problem. staying out late then adds to the problem list in no time. i saw my life being reduced to attending lessons in school and staying at home only, i totally lost the drive to do anything. for the first time in my life, i kinda see no directions in my sights. and this went on for 3months before i got myself another bike, then did i see my usual self

the struggle within myself to get another bike was torturing but once i made up my mind, i wasted no time. i decided that my life would be colourless without bikes. and the fact that david can no longer persue his dreams of continuing riding, that made me even more determined to ride on his behalf. though it was an old and unfancied vespa, but it was still a bike. i bought it at $350 from my ex-girlfriend's dad, dirt cheap, good deal. the best thing was, i did not even pay for it when i got the bike untill one month later. after a couple of months, i traded in the vespa for a newer scooter. the new scooter did not survive too long either, i then exchanged it for a rather old but still strong fzr1000exup with brian. from then, i'm back to the real riding world. the space of speed.

this new banch of new friends are real bike fanatics. they made me realised in life for the first time that when a group of people share a common interest, they are likely to click together. phoebe, ekin, flow, red-alert, james and adam soon became my biking buddies. we began making weekly trips to malaysia. led by flow, we learned alot about riding in malaysia. it may seem simple to one, but the art of being a safe rider on the malaysia highways aren't that simple as 123 or abc. from there, the bond of our group became very strong as we all went through lots of fierce riding experiences on the dark highways of west malaysia. suddenly, my life isn't only about biking and riding anymore. i love this friends' company, i enjoyed being with them. these people are starting to fill up some of the emptiness in my heart, friends are all i need afterall.

but no matter what, david will always be there and will not be replaced.

Posted by chef-san at 11:29 pm ~ There is zero note [ Add ]