| [September 10 2003] |
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Penny for your thoughts
I was watching Office Space the other day with the bit where the jerk starts talking about the O face. Like he's that good in bed. But it got me thinking about sex and orgasms and faking and moaning and suddenly I thought, what do men think about when they're having sex with me? And what do I think about when I have sex with them? So here's a short list. Feel free to add your *thoughts*.
- Dear God, will this ever end?
- Stop biting!
- That is NOT my clitoris
- Oh dear, I thought he'd be better than this.
- I'm getting lockjaw.
- My arm is about to drop off. Please come. Please please please come. Soon.
- I'm going to have stubble rash in the morning.
- Porn. Think of some porn. That might help.
- Desperate times, desperate measures. Let's try the finger up the bum. See if that finishes him off.
- Oh God. He's a freak.
- What's his name again?
- I am so never ever going to do this ever again. With him.
- Why is he making that funny noise?
- Typical boy. His duvet smells.
- Wow. That was good. [Rare, that one]
Posted by eurotrash at 11:44 am |
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[Comments count: 22] |
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1: "ow. get off my hair."
"i really can't breath well in this position. honestly, i am not a contortionist."
"no no, go back to the other thing you were doing."
i'm sure there are others. they escape me at the moment.
Posted by snowshoe at 12:11 pm on 09.10.03 |
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2: 'The Jackhammer? Are men still allowed to do that?'
(From Sex and the City, but oh-so relevant)
Posted by deb at 12:24 pm on 09.10.03 |
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3: "Does he really think I like this?"
"This guy has definately watched too much porn"
"Helloo Do you need some help down there?"
Posted by happygirl at 12:48 pm on 09.10.03 |
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4: "Is he in yet?"
Posted by CB at 1:34 pm on 09.10.03 |
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5: "stop calling me John"
Posted by CB at 1:41 pm on 09.10.03 |
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6: "I wonder if I have any ice cubes left in the freezer..."
Posted by Jakey-Boy at 3:00 pm on 09.10.03 |
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7: From the male perspective:
1. THANK GOD!! DEAR GOD, THANK YOU AND I WILL DONATE EVERYTHING I OWN TO CHARITY IN THE MORNING.
2. Ok, so Whitey Ford was inducted into the hall of fame in nineteen seventy......seventy.. damn it. How many post season wins did he have?
3. Get your finger out of my ass, woman.
4. If I don't come soon my shoulders are gonna give out and I'm going to crush this poor woman.
5. Either suck it or don't, but please stop with the tinkering.
6. Dear God, please don't let me fart!!
7. Oh, and one more time, THANK YOU JESUS!
8. Is that her clit? Or is that it? Wait, no, it's over here.
9. I wish she would make some kind of noise one way or another so I know whether all this work is paying off.
10. Hmmmm...I've never seen nipples that don't pop up before.
11. Man, does this woman EVER wash her feet?
Posted by Todd at 3:03 pm on 09.10.03 |
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8: "You know what I could do with right now? Some Pringles."
Posted by fridgemagnet at 5:10 pm on 09.10.03 |
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9: "Not yet! Not yet! Going to fast! Quick, think of something else! My what an interesting texture that wall has! Hmmm. Hmmm. Oh, no! CRAP!"
Posted by Honest Anonymous Male at 6:28 pm on 09.10.03 |
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10: Please, someone, get this CLOD off me. and...STOP SLOBBERING IN MY MOUTH (this one never got past the first kiss). P.S. I'm heartened to see that the men who've added comments aren't writing nasty stuff about our bodies not being playboy quality. Thanks guys. And I loved the comment about the "tinkering"...very adorable.
Posted by Katherine at 2:39 am on 09.11.03 |
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12: -I can not believe that he has on black socks (still).
Posted by anna at 9:17 am on 09.11.03 |
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13: "Man, she really likes this slow grinding thing. . . Hmmmm, let's try side-to-side. Slowly now, easy there stallion. . . The flat bony area above my cock is getting kind of sore, but she doesn't want me to stop. Oh, now were going . . . Oh, yeah. Oh. . . Uh-oh . . . think dead kitties . . . think old nuns . . . whoa, better slow down. . . ok, i'll pretend were having a tender moment while try to supress my ejaculant. . . kiss her on the nose and smaile. . . she's smiling and laughing, that's good, but I better make some noise. . . . OK, ready to go again. . . slow and easy there. .. . oh, yeah, oh, yeah. .. oh, ah, fuck it, let's go to the jackhammer and finish this thing so I can watch the game, ha-ha. . . "
Posted by cock_o_the_walk at 11:27 am on 09.11.03 |
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14: Could you trim that bush sometime? I can't find your dick in all that hair.
Oh. That's it? Harrumph.
If I give you a lighted helmet and explicit instructions, do you think maybe you could maybe, one day this week, find my clittoris?
How did you get to be 27 (32, 25, whatever) years old and still manage to be this crap at getting off a woman.
Whatever you do, don't stop that!
Oh god, STOP THAT! Right now!
The calluses on your hand do not feel good down there. Stop rubbing it like it's a spot that will buff out.
Phew, yes. Excellent. Now go home.
:)
Posted by styro at 3:33 pm on 09.11.03 |
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15: That post just rendered me incontinent.
Posted by sean at 5:00 pm on 09.11.03 |
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16: #14 was definitely my favorite. That's just the kind of random thought that would pop into my head!
Stinky duvet, hahahaha.
Posted by lotus at 6:33 pm on 09.11.03 |
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17: "Okay, so tomorrow I need to go to the grocery store. Lets see.. milk, bread, cheese, meat.. hot damn, a sandwich would be good right 'bout now.. think he'd climb off and make one for me if I asked nicely?"
which is generally followed by:
"Oh crap! I hope I didn't say that aloud!"
Posted by Mogavina Muddaththir at 7:50 pm on 09.11.03 |
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18: Yes, this happened once:
*sniff* "I see she's a consumer of Summer's Eve products. Where does she buy that? I wonder if she buys them from RiteAid. Hey, I know a chick that works at RiteAid. I remember, she was cute back in junior high. What if this was bought this from that chick? Whoa, it's like I'm doing her too!!..."
BTW, a girl I know sent me a link to this page. She's a hottie... uhh... NM ;-)
Posted by §©®Î¶†@® at 7:51 pm on 09.11.03 |
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19: "Okay, so tomorrow I need to go to the grocery store. Lets see.. milk, bread, cheese, meat.. hot damn, a sandwich would be good right 'bout now.. think he'd climb off and make one for me if I asked nicely?"
which is generally followed by:
"Oh crap! I hope I didn't say that aloud!"
Posted by Mogavina Muddaththir at 7:51 pm on 09.11.03 |
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20: "and what the fuck is *that* noise supposed to mean?"
Posted by fridgemagnet at 8:08 pm on 09.11.03 |
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21: Ow, ow, ow. Ouch!
Ok, good, good, that's nice. Don't stop. No, not there. Don't go there.
Hmmmm, I've never had that done before. Not bad.
So if I wrap my legs around him will it feel nicer?
Look as if you're enjoying it. Make some noise.
He wants me to do what, exactly?
Ok, nothing is going up there. And I do mean nothing.
If I move my face a bit will he get the point that I don't like being slobbered on? No, he didn't get it. Damnit.
Posted by panajane at 1:02 pm on 09.14.03 |
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22: ok so what do you want me to do, no i can't bend like that. i don't care what the karma sutra says, not possible.
hmm that was worth begging for a week to get
hey your the one who asked for it harder and deeper, don't bitch to me later about being sore.
i don't care if your ready, i'm not
yes baby i do want you to sit on my face,but i still need to breath.
okay, admit it, that one was fake?!
Posted by morgazm at 9:45 am on 01.24.05 |
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