| [January 03 2005] |
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A real sex scandal.
Oh look! Everyone's favourite high class call-girl is back! With an interview in the Guardian, no less. Via AIM of course, to protect 'her', ah, identity. Right.
I'll say right up front, I don't think Belle de Jour is a call-girl. I don't think he's even a woman. I think he's [insert name of random faded middle-aged English male contemporary author here - Martin Amis will do if you're desperate]. Or maybe a trucker from Derbyshire called Fred. Or maybe some dude who writes romances for Mills & Boon and feels a need to branch out a little.
If BDJ is a woman then I think she's a little on the slow side or mildly autistic or possibly both. Here's what BDJ has to say about her parents not knowing - no, really - that she's a prostitute call-girl.
BDJ: "I think my parents are probably more concerned about my health and happiness than my occupation. It doesn't come up."
Guardian: "8 years (or some such) after graduating, they don't ask what you're working at?"
BDJ: "Not really, no....... Perhaps in some families it would be odd. But as I say, they're more concerned that I'm healthy and happy."
Odd? ODD? If I knew how to make fonts big I would insert an enormous banner here in bright red which said: IT'S VERY FUCKING ODD INDEED.
You're a single girl in your late 20's early 30's, unmarried and your parents - whom you see regularly - never ask you about your career. Or lack of one. Or how you pay your rent, or when you're going to buy a house, or are you gay, or when are you going to get married and settled down, or did you meet anyone at work lately? I mean, really? Really really really?
And furthermore, you're a nice JEWISH girl from up north who's not married and hasn't had kids at the age of 30 and they never ask you about your work and when you're going to stop focussing on your career and have kids and why are you working so hard that you don't seem to meet any nice Jewish boys, and why don't you get a job as an accountant, and, oh, I know we've never asked you this before darling, but what exactly have you been doing for the past eight years? - oh don't worry, we don't really want to know, it's probably just a spot of drug dealing or something.....
And then s/he farts on about "distancing techniques" - very helpful, apparently - who knew? And just when your teeth want to leap down your throat and choke you to death just to end it all mercifully, she comes up with this little gem:
"Guardian: "It seems like a leap, in the book, when you go from jobless graduate to prostitute...like you didn't have to go through some massive mental adjustment. If this so, how come?......."
BDJ: "In a way, I already thought about what i was doing - temping and trying to get ridiculously low-paid jobs as a kind of prostitution anyway"
Well. Of course. When I was temping it was routine to interrupt a morning's typing with a bit of financially-rewarding anal sex. And that job losing parcels for Parcel Line paid shit, so I must have been a hooker even though nobody tried to insert anything into my vagina while discussing Proust - at least, not during working hours.
It turns out BDJ "Reported on music gigs for the student paper". At "uni". Martin dear, no-one under 40 uses the word "uni", for starters. And the classic "reporting on music gigs for the student paper" strikes me as just a little out of character for the philosphy-loving elegantly weary tediously erudite high-class call girl we know so well. Something tells me she would have submitted bad poetry instead.
Apparently she wanted to be a journalist, but no-one would hire her as editor of The Times, so prostitution was the only alternative. I know the feeling. I spent three years as a bar girl servicing American sailors in the Philippines after I was rejected as editor of Vogue, two weeks after I left university. Oh the sufferings we creative types must endure!
I'm as much of a feminist as the next ugly unmarried 30-something, and I don't believe all hookers are incapable of coherent thought and an elegant writing style. I just don't fucking believe that BDJ is a woman, or a prostitute. As he himself notes at the end of the interview: "Now I can lie like .... well, a very good liar."
Lose the "very good" and I'm in agreement.
Posted by eurotrash at 1:15 pm |
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[Comments count: 54] |
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1: sounds definitely like a fraud to me. don't the people at the guardian know not to trust strangers you meet on on the internet?
Posted by j-a at 1:33 pm on 01.03.05 |
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2: She posted to the blog recently too.
I'll bet ten quid it isn't Amis though. I had some vague she was supposedly at UCL, though I can't pin down why. And gig reviews in Pi and London Student were always rubbish.
Posted by Liadnan at 1:43 pm on 01.03.05 |
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3: I was chief sub on Pi. We didn't run music reviews. We got drunk and published shit about people's Xmas holidays in Prague.
Posted by Eurotrash at 1:57 pm on 01.03.05 |
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4: It probably doesn't matter if it's true or not--this book will outsell the entire Martin Amis oeuvre...not that that's saying much. I'm sure Judith Regan's already got the US rights and the author booked on Oprah.
Posted by Jimmy Beck at 2:24 pm on 01.03.05 |
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5: Could it really be Amis?
Posted by Robotnik at 2:34 pm on 01.03.05 |
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6: Maybe it's Christopher Hitchens.
(trying again as the first time timed out)
Posted by Robotnik at 2:35 pm on 01.03.05 |
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7: Sour grapes.
Posted by sac at 3:13 pm on 01.03.05 |
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8: definitely martin amis.
Posted by domin8trix at 3:27 pm on 01.03.05 |
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9: You're hilarious!
This entry reminds me why I'm subscribed to this random feed in the first place.
Hahahahhaa.
Posted by Firas at 4:36 pm on 01.03.05 |
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10: You're talking about kids again, ET.
Posted by turbulent priest at 4:48 pm on 01.03.05 |
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11: No, I'm Spartacus.
Posted by L'Emmerdeur at 6:02 pm on 01.03.05 |
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12: FUCK OFF. I'M FUCKING SPARTACUS, YOU FUCKING FUCK.
Posted by Trevor at 6:05 pm on 01.03.05 |
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13: Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don't know any woman, let alone a Jewish woman, who doesn't at least have to invent something as to what she does or spend a lot of time on.
Also, did the Guardian actually run that in the paper, i.e. the print edition?? Bloody hell.
Posted by Sarah at 6:15 pm on 01.03.05 |
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14: Hey two rungs up!
Stop robbing my moniker. It's mine.
Else I'll be forced to call myself something like Darren
Posted by Trevor at 4:24 am on 01.04.05 |
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15: "I spent three years as a bar girl servicing American sailors in the Philippines after I was rejected as editor of Vogue, two weeks after I left university."
Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
Posted by teahouseblossom at 4:42 am on 01.04.05 |
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16: Brilliant
Posted by heather at 6:59 am on 01.04.05 |
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17: I'm 26 and still use the word 'uni' but I agree, this chick has a dick.
Posted by Adam at 6:59 am on 01.04.05 |
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18: I feel so validated. When everyone was oohing about BDJ I felt like the kid in The Emperor's New Clothes-- BDJ is so not anything but some guy's creation. Amis? I havent a clue. But you? Are fucking brilliant as always. Brilliant.
Posted by bluepoppy at 10:20 am on 01.04.05 |
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19: FUCK YOU, TREVOR.
Posted by Darren at 11:42 am on 01.04.05 |
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20: Could it be you're jealous Eurotrash?
Why does someone so obviously inferior to your talent draw your ire?
I don't feel any need to read anything Belle Du Jour has written about his or her supposed prostitution, it all sounds tiresome. The interview was boredom itself. It was more interesting when they were trying to establish a connection at the beginning. Okay, so much for the stroke. Here's the lash.
Write your own shit down and spare us the hatred of people who are actually getting their own incompetent crap out into the public arena. I'm as guilty of this as you, so I should know it when I read it. Now, I've got my own things to do. Sermon out!
Posted by Pablo Montoya at 11:46 am on 01.04.05 |
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21: Incompetent crap is what this blog is all about, dear.
Posted by Eurotrash at 11:51 am on 01.04.05 |
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22: And no, I'm not jealous.
I'm annoyed that some bloke is pandering to the fantasy that hookers really *do* enjoy what they do because the clients are just so fantastic, no, really, and they all want to discuss literature and stuff and it's not really at all a horrid job and anyway, those streetwalkers, they're not really anything like us high class call-girls because we really really really love what we do because it's really really great.
But we never kiss our clients on the lips. Oh no.
When will my Richard Gere come?
Posted by Eurotrash at 11:55 am on 01.04.05 |
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23: Shit. Busted.
Okay. My real name is TREVOR.....
Posted by Belle at 12:08 pm on 01.04.05 |
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24: Maybe "fictionized", but not written by a guy. Or, if it is, he's not doing the hooker-as-male-fantasy thing.
Now, if you want to read some dude who is a) trying to do the male fantasy thing and b) producing some truely cringe-worth prose, check this out...
www.shirleyshave.blogspot.com
(Trevor- over to you)
Posted by Boboleta at 12:20 pm on 01.04.05 |
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25: Nothing much to add really, just wondering whether the publisher asked him/her whether there'd be any chance of a quickie.
I would have (asked him if he was a her).
Posted by Trevor at 12:40 pm on 01.04.05 |
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26: Nothing much to add really, just wondering whether the publisher asked him/her whether there'd be any chance of a quickie.
I would have (asked him if he was a her).
Posted by Trevor at 12:55 pm on 01.04.05 |
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27: FUCK DOUBLE POSTER
Posted by Trevor at 1:02 pm on 01.04.05 |
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28: FUCK TREVOR.
Posted by Evil Anonymous Double Poster at 1:13 pm on 01.04.05 |
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29: I'm guessing the 13 yr. old girls in Bangkok don't think it's all such a clever metaphor for officeplace anomie. Especially since Godard made the point more interestingly, um, 35 years ago.
Posted by samantha at 2:38 pm on 01.04.05 |
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30: Oh, so barely-teen girls are exploited in Bangkok, so there's no way a self-obsessed, extrovert Jewish graduate in London could have enjoyed seven months of occasionally fucking carefully groomed men in exchange for money.
I suppose we should get onto Irvine Welsh's three-and-a-half seconds of real life heroin experience next, arguing that he's a phoney who can't write...
Posted by Boboleta at 2:50 pm on 01.04.05 |
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31: Bobelat you're missing the point. What she's saying is that the metaphor for officeplace anomie would bring a tired smile to the faces of the the 13 yr. old girls in Bangkok considering that, and as they are only too well aware, Jean-Luc Godard made the very same point some 35 years ago, and in a much more interesting manner. That's all.
Posted by Trevor at 3:13 pm on 01.04.05 |
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32: How do you know, Trevor?
Come on, any 13 year old Bangkok prostitutes who read this board- a brilliant metaphor for modern officeplace anomie, or a tired rehashing of Goddard?
You decide.
Posted by Boboleta at 3:24 pm on 01.04.05 |
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33: Don't listen to Trevor--all he does is abuse me all day.
Posted by Trevor's flaccid micropenis at 4:25 pm on 01.04.05 |
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34: In my experience high class call do not find their lives and their clients quite so delightful and exciting as BDJ and a spate of others do. Cocaine, yes; their lives, not so much.
Posted by la depressionada at 4:43 pm on 01.04.05 |
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36: That's it. It's back to the weights and the anvil for you, you miserable little cunt!
Posted by at 4:57 pm on 01.04.05 |
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37: I think it's so unfair that Belle should get a book deal and not me. My blog about being a frustrated single girl was a thousand times better than her blog and she's probably not even a girl anyway.
I think it's disgusting that she's going to make a ton of money from her book deal because she probably never even did half the things in her blog and it's not as real and authentic as my blog.
And I emailed her once but she never answered...stuck up bitch...
Posted by Lemon Sucking Blogger at 5:54 pm on 01.04.05 |
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38: I think it's so unfair that Belle should get a book deal that will perpetuate her one-hit-wonder status while other bloggers have to sit back, be patient, and wait to actually make sure their writing is good enough to last and garner readers who aren't just all about curiosity value and titillation.
I think it's disgusting that she's going to make a ton of money from her book deal because when she'll try to write another one, no one will want to publish it because the gimmick aspect will have faded and they'll have moved on to some other flavor of the month.
Long term gain is the new black.
Posted by Sarah at 10:00 pm on 01.04.05 |
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39: As a non-blogger ( only easily-bored reader), I can concur objectively w. Sarah above. Only I think the use of the term "she" is a bit generous.
Posted by samantha at 11:18 am on 01.05.05 |
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40: So, Sarah and Samantha, are you seriously contesting that, had it not been for Belle *jumping the queue*, you'd both have had *quality* book deals by now?
Posted by Boboleta at 11:29 am on 01.05.05 |
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41: ...or are "sarah" and "samantha" the same person? And is either of them really a woman?
Posted by Boboleta at 11:32 am on 01.05.05 |
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42: No, see, it was actually B de Jour who was whimpering about how the world didn't appreciate his/her art, w.o. the sex-selling sells hook.
Posted by samantha at 1:30 pm on 01.05.05 |
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43: Either a man or a ftm; has she ever once mentioned her monthly bleeding?
Posted by sarah #2 at 1:16 pm on 01.07.05 |
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44: doh, mtf
Posted by sarah #2 at 1:17 pm on 01.07.05 |
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46: I suppose none of you think I'm Lisa Hilton then.
Posted by Séverine Serizy at 9:08 pm on 01.08.05 |
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47: The Guardian do like Belle, though they also like to be even-handed about Belle's existance:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,1177196,00.html
Cynthia Payne doesn't believe she exists and, really, I can't think of a reason to either.
Posted by Paul at 12:47 pm on 01.10.05 |
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48: I don't recall BDJ going on so much in the blog about enjoying the work. If she(he?) had enjoyed it that much, she (replace all pronouns as per your inclination) would not have quit at the first opportunity. If the intention had been to pander to male fantasy, there would have been more explicit sex - the blog was mainly about the odd details of her outer and inner life. BDJ used sex to attract readers - so do you, ET. If "she" is a man - great impersonation job.
Posted by lk at 3:07 pm on 01.12.05 |
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49:
Will that do?
Posted by Sterling at 7:04 pm on 01.16.05 |
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50: Do you honestly believe that Belle de Jour is the work of Martin Amis?
Posted by Nick at 8:31 am on 01.24.05 |
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51: Nah. He's a better writer than Amis.
Posted by chris at 7:29 am on 01.28.05 |
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52: the new volume will be set in Italy
Posted by Paul at 7:56 pm on 10.26.05 |
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53: Belle De Jour -real name Sarah L Waterfall
a writer and former whore.
Posted by at 7:54 pm on 02.12.07 |
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